I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
