If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize