Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
