I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I am midnight drunk by noon
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
