I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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