Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
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Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....