walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally