I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?