I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
New Dating App in Dallas For Only The Most Ambitious and Attractive Singles
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.