She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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