Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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