just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
