They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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