I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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