Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
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We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
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If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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