you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize