Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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