According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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