I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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