Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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