Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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