..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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