If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
