my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
It's not a walk of shame if you run
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize