and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
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this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
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Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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