I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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