Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
