Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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