I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
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im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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