So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
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