U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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