oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
