I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
there is glitter all over my balls