2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
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but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
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The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?