where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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