Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
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I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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