I think about you every night.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night