you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner