I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch