i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.