You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
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My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
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So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout