Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
