So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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