I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
