I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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