Just fell off a train. Bad.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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