what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize