Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
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The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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