He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize