If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize