Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize