Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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