We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize