I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
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Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday