I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
New Dating App in Dallas For Only The Most Ambitious and Attractive Singles
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire