Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
