you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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