Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Randomize
